Alexa, clean my butt.

Smart Throne

Kohler, a name that's practically synonymous with chic, premium plumbing, has long been on top of the smart toilet game.

Now, it's bringing its tech toilet offerings to the masses, announcing a new voice-controlled bidet seat called the PureWash E930 that you can install on your peasant porcelain throne to wash your ass on uttered — or grunted — royal command.

At $2,149, the PureWash E930 is far cheaper than getting a full blown toilet from Kohler's smart offerings. At that still exorbitant price point — and here's the kicker — your bidet comes with Amazon Alexa and Google Home compatibility built-in, according to The Verge. So, yes: you'll have to connect your fancy toilet hardware to devices known to be privacy nightmares to get the most out its lavatorial luxury.

But if you're willing to pay that price, Kohler lets you use the bidet's many features to get your business out of the way without so much as lifting a finger.

Potty Mouth

And let it be said that the bidet's spray is ridiculously fine-tuneable. It comes with oscillating and pulsating spray modes. The water pressure is adjustable, and so is the temperature. A gentler child mode is included, too. And for "consistent comfort," Kohler says the water is continuously heated, per The Verge. Rest assured that when nature calls, your E930 won't leave you cold.

The luxuries don't end there. The bidet thoughtfully pre-mists the toilet bowl for more effective flushing. It automatically opens and closes. It also has a self-cleaning mode using UV light, and a warm air dryer to keep your buns toasty as they're dried off. Built in LEDs can be used as a nightlight. All of these little features can be linked to Kohler's app to let you save and toggle your preferences at a click.

If getting your smartphone involved is too much tech for you — and having to utter the steps of your sacred toilet routine aloud is a no-no — Kohler's product also comes with a remote control.

And hey, if this is the kind of stuff you want to blow your hard-earned dough on, go for it. But be apprised that smart gadgets encroaching on the privacy of the bathroom has resulted in shocking violations of trust in the past.

More on tech: Amazon Caught Selling Bathroom Spy Cam Disguised as Clothes Hook


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