No, the Scale Model of Blue Origin's Rocket Is Not an Operable Dildo

It's on sale for $69.

Not a Dildo

Model rocket maker Estes has released a 1/66 scale model of Blue Origin's dick-shaped New Shepard rocket — and we are here to warn you that whatever it looks like, it is not an operable sex toy.

No, folks, this plastic object that bears a striking resemblance to a penis is not meant to pleasure oneself.

That's in spite of its sticker price of $69.99, which admittedly sounds like a crude joke. But just to reiterate, as far as we can tell, it's serious. It just happens to be based on a rocket that, to the bemusement of experts, looks a lot like a dong.

To be fair, as far as model rockets go, it's kinda awesome. The model can be launched 400 feet into the air — if you're willing to shell out extra for the launch pad, an electronic launch controller, engines, and some wadding for recovery, which all works out to a total of $109.99.

Shooting Wads

Unsurprisingly, the internet had a bit of a field day with the model rocket.

Gizmodo gave some insightful advice: "Just make sure not to shoot your wad too early, a problem that can really limit your enjoyment of the rocket — a rocket that looks like a human schlong."

The Verge took a slightly more somber tone, pointing out the dystopian element of buying a scale model of a billionaire tyrant's rocket.

"Sure, some people say the trip was a huge vanity project; a colossal pissing-contest between egotistical, morally blind billionaires whose pocket change could save countless human lives with just as much intrinsic value as their own," reads The Verge's piece, "but to that I say: stop being such a bummer, dude!!"

So here's to the billionaires' club and their bizarre, uh, rocket-measuring contest. The dildo, er, rocket model is on for preorder now and will be coming, excuse us, released on November 1.

Just don't do anything stupid. You have been warned.

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