If you didn't already think we were hurtling toward a cyberpunk dystopia, this latest startup just might convince you.

The Apple App Store has recently welcomed an app called Protector, an on-demand security platform that allows users to hire armed guards and drivers, or as the company's adviser Nikita Bier calls it: "Uber with guns."

The app is sleek and black, invoking the same minimal startup vibes as Uber or Vrbo. With Protector, users — or "Protectees," in the app's lingo — can scroll through a selection of law enforcement and military retirees, which includes their name, photo, service background, and a brief bio.

Once logged into the app, users can choose how many private operators, called "Protectors," to schedule at a time. If you're not sure how many goons to hire for the mission, the app tailors its recommendation to the number of Protectees. Selecting just one, for example, will lead the app to prompt, "based on the number of Protectees, we recommend assigning 1 protector to oversee your detail."

From there, users can choose to construct a motorcade of black Escalades, which come with the service, or take just one. Users are also able to customize their Protectors' outfits, from classy black suits for upscale jobs to full-on operator gear for what we can only imagine are messier operations.

While Protectors presumably won't play accessory to, say, an armed robbery, the company isn't exactly transparent about its policies. When one poster on X-formerly-Twitter asked Bier whether app-hired goons will stand guard during a shady Craigslist deal, Bier replied cryptically: "All ex-military or ex-law enforcement."

None of this comes cheap. The minimum contract is five hours of protection, and pricing starts at $629 for one Protector. For just $129 more, Protectees can also become annual members, a status which affords them a "personalized threat assessment," and access to a "personal protection agent" and "personal chauffeur."

At the moment, Protector's thug-on-demand service is only available in New York City and Los Angeles, but it has rocketed up the charts in the Apple App Store. At the time of writing, the app is ranked at number seven in the Travel category, and 115 overall.

It's also set to expand; soon to join Protector is its sister app, Patrol, a similar Pinkerton-on-demand service that'll allow homeowners to crowdfund off-duty cops and military veterans to rove around their neighborhoods in private security cruisers.

Though details on Patrol are scarce, a promo video on founder Nick Sarath's LinkedIn profile reveals the involvement of former LAPD Chief of Police Charlie Beck, along with a few techno-solutions the startup hopes to put to work in the name of neighborhood watch.

"Whether it's a car parked in front of your house or on your block that's highly [identifiable], electronics such as license plate readers, cameras, drone technology," Beck says over 3D renderings of Patrol-operated robot dogs and quadcopter drones, "it's easily accessible by an app, and I think this is what makes it really something that is the future of policing."

In 2021, a similar venture spearheaded by controversial neighborhood watch app Citizen came under scrutiny after it was found to be live-testing its "subscription law enforcement services" in Los Angeles. That app also had LAPD ties, according to Vice, with the police department calling security-on-demand a "game changer."

If it sounds like a dystopian business model, that's because it is. Though private, for-profit security isn't a new phenomenon, it's typically a venture brokered between security companies and private landowners, involving copious amounts of paperwork, insurance mandates, and minimum contracting fees. The fact that deep-pocketed individuals may now be able to fast-track a small army of mercenaries at their fingertips is something entirely new.

Though it's said that the huge majority of startups fail, it's not hard to imagine a world where municipal budget cuts and growing fear of crime lead to adoption of apps like Protector for those with cash to spend.

More on security tech: Police Use of Facial Recognition Backfires Spectacularly When It Renders Them Unable to Convict Alleged Murderer


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